I have felt pretty dry lately. Nothing too dramatic, just worn out- no sleep, no exceptional time with friends, and most importantly no time with Jesus. You know when you miss something you love, like the mashed potatoes your grandma cooks, or your best friend when they're on vacation without you, or your boyfriend when you're not together anymore, or your family at home two hours away when you just want to stay in on a Friday night? That's a little sliver of how I miss Jesus. In kind of a sad, very desperate way. My human-ness wants me to do do do everything to find Him, to get back to where I was, to earn His attention. But when He demands that my SIN move so I can see Him through it, I am reminded that He has not left, that He is SO faithful, He is with me constantly, and that He loves me so so well, even when I'm blinded by distractions and busyness and when I ignore the simplicity and necessity of resting in Him. I am reminded of how much He misses me back, how much He is in love with me. Oh, how He loves us...
Read Matthew 11:25-30
Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
I am so, so tired of trying to DO and figure out how to control my life and my circumstances. I try to become more mature, more wise, when really I want to be the child God reveals His heart to in verse 25. I find comfort and encouragement that what God has hidden from me, is out of His desire to grow my faith and trust in Him; it is out of His sovereign grace and His promise to work all things together for my good and His glory...they are the same.
In The Ragamuffin Gospel (read it!), Brennan Manning writes about Luke 7 where Mary Magdalene comes to Him in beautiful surrender...
His eyes called out to her: Mary, come to Me. Come now! Don't wait until you get your act cleaned up and your head on straight. Don't delay until you rescue your reputation, until you're free of pride and lust, of jealousy, and self-hatred. Come to Me now in your brokenness and sinfulness. Come now, with all your fears and insecurities. I will love you just the way you are--just the way you are, not the way you think you should be.
So, I will come to Him as He calls me every second of my day... Alex, come to Me. Come now. I will die to myself and rely on His overflowing Spirit to wash over me in grace and rest and renewal.
You can have all this world, but give me Jesus...
