Just a little bit about my trip to London and Paris-- first of all THANK YOU to my parents for giving me that opportunity so willingly, and my sweet cousin Dennisse! She took me and her friend Michelle all through Europe and was a wonderful guide and planner. The time spent there was truly a gift! I think the highlights of the trip were seeing My Fair Lady (in English! yay!) in Paris, going to the Royal Opera House in London (we saw Cinderella, the ballet) and visiting the Cathedrals (Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul). The shows were simply wonderful; there was such life, such poise and timelessness in both the performances as well as the beautiful venues. They were so encouraging and exciting to be apart of. The walls lining the ROH were filled with memories of the great singers in action, even their extravagant costumes! I could not help but stand in amazement at the gift of their music and the art they created. Then I thought to myself, "This was all by His grace! The unforgettable beauty these people "created" was not theirs, but from our sweet God." I am encouraged. I love the gift of voice and passion He gave me, I long to glorify Him with it.
Speaking of glorifying Him...the cathedrals were astounding. Walking inside the Sacre Coeur, atop Montmartre overlooking the entire city of Paris, I was overwhelmed, even to tears! Yes, it was that beautiful, that intimate, that ornate. Can you imagine designing something with enough intricate detail to take 200 years to complete? Can you imagine feeling so strongly about something, being THAT much in love? I pray that we all realize that Christ is that serious, that glorious, that worthy. He deserves so much more than I can ever relay or repay or even imagine.
He has enthralled my soul with wonder. His mystery is baffling me and I love it. There are so many questions I want Him to answer, so many unknowns. Why is music theory so hard? Why are boys so complicated? Why do I never feel like I'm good enough? Why do I have such amazing friends? Why do Libby and Mimi have cancer? Why do I know and love Him, but some never will? I don't know. You can give me answers to all of those questions, and I may get prideful and think I know their answers sometimes too, but who am I to know? Who am I to be able to comprehend why there are devastating hurricanes, children who don't have shoes or food, trillions of perfectly placed stars in the sky, or beautiful flowers to grow and behold? I am not designed to understand or have control over or even be comfortable with His grace and love for me. I do not know the answer to those questions. But I do know that He is to be TRUSTED, and He is to be adored, loved, and glorified.
In Brennan Manning's Ruthless Trust, it talks about how holy the mystery of God is. How attractive and alluring this kabod Yahweh is, and how we, graced ragamuffin children of God, are designed and demanded to praise Him (Psalm 81:4) by trusting Him. Manning tells a short story about how he had "expostulated so brilliantly on the mystery of God that after one semester, there was no mystery left." He heard an old friar say, "The older I get, the less I understand about God." It's not an attempt at modesty, nor shallowness, nor dumbness, but sincere trust in His saving grace and loving pursuit of His Agapitos, His Beloveds.
In short, by no particular lyrics or notable attributes, this song makes me feel that. I can taste the mystery of my Savior in this shadowy blend of odd chords and words. It was to this song on repeat during the bus ride to London Heathrow Airport on the last day of my trip to Europe that I watched the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen . The sky freely contained every color possible with masses of dark clouds hovering in front of it; the ground was shimmering with frost on the still green pastures of farmland laden with hungry sheep and trees whose silhouettes against the flames in the sky displayed divine mystery. My heart literally ached. I was the only person who was awake, present to the beauty. "This is for you, Al! This is real, this is my love for you! Trust me, come to me!" I read the late Henry Nouwen's Life of the Beloved in the beginning of the trip, in which it said this: "That Truth will set you free to receive the beauty of nature and culture in gratitude, as a sign of your Belovedness." That is what I hear through this song, it's what I learned on an adventure far away.
p.s. I unfortunately lost my camera in a French airport and therefore have no pictures of the trip. After much bitterness and sulking and tears, I realized that I could not take my camera (formerly named Adam, after Ansel Adams) nor its pictures to Heaven with me, nor should I care to. So... Sorry!
