Last weekend was a dream. Believe me, I day-dreamed about it for months in excited anticipation for the amazing fellowship we have at home in Chesapeake. I couldn't wait. Eight months ago we found out our Young Life leader Libby (read her blog here!) had lymphoma. There we were, we had no idea what to do or think or say...Libby had cancer. So we prayed...and prayed...and prayed. Libby endured 12 rounds of chemo and by February she was cancer free! We rejoiced (you can scroll down and read the post- "Thy Mercy My God") and still we prayed and prayed and thanked the Lord. That's what this weekend was about. All of my dearest friends came home from college to praise the Lord for healing Libby, who we love so much, and who has beautifully shown us how to fellowship with Christ in both suffering and in joy.
This weekend was needed, it was hard at times, it was joyful, it was life-giving. But for me, it was about NEED; my insanely desperate need and longing for The Savior and the life He wants for me. I need Him, and Him alone. This weekend I realized how often I try to do it on my own, and how stubborn I am that I cannot humble myself and embrace my need for Jesus. School, Young Life, church, singing, singing at church, friends, eating, playing- I do not know how I think I can do everything and not need anything or anyone to guide me or at least help me. But it's so much bigger and deeper than that. Without Jesus as the propelling force of every single action, the work I do is nothing. It means nothing. It means unnecessarily wasted energy that I cannot afford to give to anything else than Jesus, because everything else is exhausting. And that's where I am right now...I'm exhausted and longing for Jesus, especially because this weekend was so sweet and I just want to live in heaven singing and dancing and talking and loving our Creator with the beautiful friends He has given me.
The Lord really used Libby to make my need for Him real this weekend. As we all sat on the floor in the upper room of the River house on Saturday morning, we listened to her share her heart. She said, through tears, "I mean, I don't wish cancer on anyone...but I kinda do. I want each of you to rely on Him that much and fall that much more in love with Him. You know how we always say how we find our identities in Christ? I don't think we know the seriousness of that until we are stripped of everything else that we find fulfillment in. Cancer did that for me." I can't really put together words to do it justice what Libby has meant to me and so many others. She has shown me what it looks like to embrace our need and weaknesses with the courage that only the Lord can provide and fulfill, and I want nothing more than to do that; to live in my need for Christ. I was brought to tears so many times this weekend (which is unlike me) because I was painfully aware of how much I need Jesus. I need Him to give me energy, to heal my heart that breaks so easily, to sustain my joy in Him, to use me, to fulfill me.
This verse in Malachi (4:2) has given me hope and solace.
But for those of you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.I have seen a fair amount of sunrises this year with driving back to Greenville on Sunday mornings, and the Lord shows His faithfulness to me in them. He meets me in the quietness of the rising sun and the gentle hum of Scotty's wheel's directing me to where I am supposed to be. After a weekend of hustle and bustle and tears and laughter I was finally alone with my Beloved. I need Him, and that's not something I need to fear or shy away from. He's not another guy who will disappoint me or a friend who will let me down. He is all I need, He will never fail me or forsake me. This picture is the sunrise on Sunday morning. The sky literally had wings, and through them I was healed. I don't even really know what part of my heart was healed, but I was free of something. I can leap for joy like a newborn calf who has been released from the stall of bondage and SIN, into a fresh new life.
Libby is healed, we are rejoicing! "IT IS FINISHED."Thank you Libby, Katherine, Leslie, KB, Ally, Queeny, Becca, Shannon, Jess, Sarah, Ariel, KH, AllyMc, and the guys for making this weekend so special. I cannot tell you what a blessing each of you are in my life and how thankful I am to know that we will spend eternity falling more in love with Christ together as one body of Chesapeake.
Starting NOW!
I love you guys.
