I don't really know where or how to begin this post...relationships. They're everywhere. I even venture to say that they are everything. They can be so sweet, and so cruel; so full of life, and they can also suck the life right out of you; rich wine, or debilitating poison. They are powerful and the Lord intended them to be that way. I feel like I am in such a unique place right now. I am in the middle of so many different relationships: marriages, break-ups, "talking,"friendships, engagements, etc. But recently I have come to realize that there are only two types of relationships. Just two, people: You are either in a relationship that is constantly growing and seeking Christ as the center of it, or you're not. I have seen and experienced both, even in the last few days... real poison and wine. You may decide for yourself which is which...
My relationship with the Lord has been so different the past couple weeks. During finals and the last weeks of school I was completely distracted, simply could not muster up the courage to put aside my to-do list and sit at His feet. I missed Him desperately. It was painful and frustrating knowing that both He and I were hurting because of the worldly distractions, but I trusted that redemption and change would soon come. As soon as I got to #sweetsweetchesapeake, everything was different. My time looks different, my friends and community are different, my struggles are different. He has shown me His faithfulness and pursued me so sweetly through my amazing friends and family. I have had intense, real, hard conversations with people I absolutely love and pray for, people I am so thankful for I could just burst! Those relationships have brought me life and challenged me in new ways and brought me to the place where I am now. I am in a heavy place. The Holy Spirit is growing my fear of the Lord. But I think it is more a fear of without the Lord. My relationship with the Lord is different and is still and ever-changing; it's going there...that place I will not and cannot let anyone else in. That place that I hide away because I've been hurt, because I see people I love who hurt and cannot heal without repentance and His sweet redemption. Gosh, so often I get stuck there. I hurt and have hurt others. But in all my "movie-making" and fleshy desires I have hurt the One who loves me most. Psalm 25 talks about this deep, loving relationship we have with our Creator.
To you, oh Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, oh my God. The Lord confides in those who fear Him; He makes His covenant know to them. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.The Father of all things trusts and confides in me? Because He loves me? He cares enough about me and my fears and insecurities and loneliness to turn to me and embrace me with grace. 1Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!
This song is about a lot of things, there are so many beautiful parallels in it, not to mention it is just a gorgeous song! "Bravery" is not a word we use very often. I find myself using "boldness" and "courage" more so than bravery, a beautiful combination of pride and courage. This song is about bravery in relationships. Bravery to be honest and vulnerable, to strip it of all the pre-conceived thoughts and assumptions and to not give up on love. Obviously the song is about pain and hurt in relationships too; expecting something and not getting it, longing for fulfillment when we know (or may not know) that we are not even capable of giving that to each other. "I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back, the less I give the more I get back." Geeze that pain is so real. But so is the Lord's pursuit. He is the only one who will not leave me lonely, He does hold me when I turn my back, and He loves me too much to give anything less than His best, even in response to my ignorance and lack of passion for Him. He trusts me and makes His marriage covenant real in my life, even though I betray His trust and seek affection and attention from a guy who fails to love me even close to the way the Lord does. Jesus, I am so sorry. You are better, you are enough. I am sorry that we let such a special gift from you distance us from you. But thank you for redemption, thank you for the sweet conversations an relationships that show us your love and grace. Give us the courage to be brave in fighting for those, and repelling the others; to relinquish the poison, and drink only of your wine.
