Lights- Ellie Goulding

Lights (Acoustic)- Ellie Goulding

This song has been stuck in my head for weeks now, and I'd been brewing up a blog about it.  Finally as I sit down to write it and look up the song on youtube I find THIS...oh my goodness, I love it even more!  I like her, she's got some soul.  And she's a little awkward, which I like too.  In the vast, ever growing realm of good music, this is just beautiful to me in a very unique way.  Here are the words:

I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown
And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling, calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine It when I'm alone

Home

Noises, I play within my head
Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still be there
And I think back to when my brother and my sister slept
In an unlocked place the only time I feel safe

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling, calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone

Home

I am writing this post mostly for myself, because this battle is one that I struggle with so often.  I want to be able to come back to read this and be reminded of the Light that keeps me awake, alive, full.  I am tempted all the time to listen to my flesh and the world around me, "Don't care, don't hunger, don't love- it might cost you something...it's easier to just not be awake, to go through the motions of living without investing, risking, seeking."  I hate those days, I call them Zombie Days, where I'm just moving to get through the day.  I can't see past myself, all I see are my failures, how unlovable I am, the world around me moves in slow motion and I get sucked into thinking the world slowly and painfully revolves around ME.  Oh, I pray so hard against Zombie Days, against apathy and disinterest in Life.  

Watch the video a couple times; I've noticed a few different things each time.  I think my favorite part starts at 2:11; she looks up with this frustrated tension in her face and body, as if she were screaming it, fighting being thankful to Whoever for "showing the light, keeping her from stone, calling her home."  It's humbling to be woken up; usually not pleasant.  But it's good and necessary to enter into our daily life, our Life in Christ as well.  How often I find myself selfishly falling asleep (like the disciples in the Garden multiple times), but my desire is to be awake to the Light.  

Psalm 89:15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, oh Lord.

How could I ever choose to not live in this blessing?  Do I really still choose to acclaim myself over the Sovereign Lord? Oh Lord, forgive me, awake my soul to your constant presence, the goodness and warmth of your Light!

Colossians 1:10-14 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.  For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

I think the song is a clear reflection of that, and so accurately describes me: I was once the queen of my life, but, by His amazing grace, I have been overthrown and lovingly brought into His kingdom, the kingdom of Redemption and Life.  I try all the time to muster up the strength I need to push me, instead I just end up filling myself with dumb worldly ethics and lies.  His Spirit is the One who gives me strength and propels me to live, persevere, and joyfully give thanks for the good AND the bad, which He created with the same tender care and purpose (Eccl.7:14).  When I fall into thinking that I'm alone, the only one who struggles, the only one who doesn't feel good enough, the only one who misses anyone, He so faithfully shows me His light.  He shines it on Himself, and I am humbled and joyfully in awe of Him and His Word.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He is faithful to His promises.  I am so grateful for the Light that calls me home.  My home is in His arms, along with my brothers and sisters, along with Jesus, our Beloved Christ.

Embrace the Light, Al.  Be awake to His grace that is today.  Dare to love people at the highest costs, be in awe of the creative expressions of His goodness around you, forgive yourself and your enemies. It is Real and worth everything.  It is His gift to you, His Beloved.